Christmas… it has become a bit like Marmite, you either love it or hate it. As a man, I never quite grew up – apparently, and according to wives, husbands, boyfriends and girlfriends everywhere, we never do. So I propose that most men enjoy Christmas, if not the costs associated with it. Mothers naturally enjoy Christmas, as they get to spend 15 hours in the kitchen on Christmas Day – a dream come true for the female sex.
Which is why this article is for men, as we at Squillions have ideas for cheaper Christmas decorations that will save you money, as well as keep your child seen but not heard. Don’t be misled by the title of the article, we are not making use of children from abroad earning £0.50p a day, that would be terrible. As these decorations once fully decorated are so cheap, they would have to be assembled on slave labour costing only £0.05p a day.
We are wishing to put your very own children to work, so get behind the Pied Piper and listen to his flute. It’s a quirk of Christmas that Father Christmas only supplies the presents. All the drinks, food and expensive decorations for Christmas have to be provided by the older generation. If only we adults could petition good ol’ Santa to part some expenditure for the decorations too…
Alas, the unions are on the wane and parents have to be as imaginative as ever. School holidays, freezing outside, whatever will we do to keep their minds on an educational curve. As much as Playstation keeps them occupied, it’s only teaching them how to control drones when they join the army at 18. We need some good old magical Christmas spirit to be invoked. We call this activity ‘Make Your Own Christmas Decorations’ – an experience in Christmas crafts.
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Sexist, supporting child labour, let’s go one further with this classic Christmas story with arts and crafts at its heart and bring the classes into it too. If you was born in Knightsbridge or Kensington you will probably be ignorant of the fact that there is such a thing as DIY. Yes the Easter Bunny, Jack Frost and of course Father Christmas all exist and so does Do It Yourself!! No you don’t have to buy Christmas cards and tree decorations from a shop, silly! And Charles Dickins’ Oliver was more real than you can ever imagine!
When I grew up in the 1980’s (b’77) making your own cheap Christmas decorations was encouraged in both the classroom and at home. For any parent finding this a difficult task, there’s two ways of looking at the result of any Christmas crafting session. You will be able to embarrass your child for the next forty years, because the DIY decorations they make for Christmas will be rolled out every year – by you. Future wives, family, girlfriends “Tony made this when he was five, ahhhhh” alternatively, you have unique and free decorative Christmas tree decorations that mean a whole lot to both Mum and Dad for years to come.
There is a third bonus for supporting Christmas arts and crafts, but unless you’re the Mum or Dad of Banksy, selling your child’s creative “Death of Santa Clause” or “Coals For The Poverty Stricken” Christmas ornaments, is probably not going to net you a sum big enough to pay your mortgage off. But, it’ll be a little nest egg just in case. If you follow the 10,000 hours plan and get your son or daughter to be an over achiever and famous, these Paint Your Own Ceramic Christmas Baubles, Make Your Own Christmas Crackers and Wooden House Advent Calendars could be worth hundreds of thousands in the future.
Cheaper Christmas decorations have come a long way in thirty years. Christmas arts and crafts have too. I am amazed at how ingenious the packs are. As you well know, all your children have phases. The music playing, game playing, art, creating stuff, models – yes those too when they’re nearer 18 years old, with adventurous activities outside. They will touch every sphere of society as they grow up. Timing is key but there is truly a lot of fun to be had as a family event and making cheap Christmas craft decorations.
There’s Christmas card making, creating Christmas decorations to hang on the tree, DIY Christmas home decorations for the fireplace and windows, hanging ornaments from ceiling lights and the ceiling itself. As well as wreathes for the front door, making Christmas crackers, hampers, stockings, 3D advent calendars and low and behold, even creating your own Christmas tree. That would save £30!
The key to any craft session is getting the child interested in the first place. Tales of “Your Nan and I used to do this when I was younger” won’t swing it any more. You could bribe them with a fiver towards their Birthday present (because Father Christmas has presents sorted for Christmas!) but we have another way to entice them. No not handcuffs and whips, it’s effective but causes long term damage. Turn your child into an entrepreneur, if they make more cheap Christmas decorations than they need, they could sell the rest to family members at a profit.
There’s Nan and Grandad, Aunties, Uncles, they could even set up a website undercutting the department stores. Before the child knows it, they will be skipping school and will have been sat at the arts and craft table in the loft for the last twenty five years, contributing to your pension. As long as they are getting enjoyment from the tasks, perhaps even expanding to cater for Easter and other festivities.
Let’s look at few life changing arts and crafts that could foretell your child’s future. Amazing and cheap Christmas decorations that will educate and enable your child to prepare for adulthood and a long lasting career. It is possible to buy all the parts required to make your own Christmas crackers. Crepe paper, Hessian bows, glitter, confetti and cardboard tubes and a range of decoration tools, not forgetting the much needed Christmas cracker snaps. This is the perfect gift pack to introduce your child to explosives, or a presenter on the next art television art show. Either way, they are guaranteed a prime slot on the Discovery Channel.
Imagine the situation. Mum’s just got back from the department store and Christmas decorations are going to cost £200. But you can tell Mum that you’ll take care of it. While she’s out doing the weekly shopping, you can enlist your children to get started on cheaper Christmas tree decorations for a tenth of the price. Decorating hanging baubles, snowflakes and angels. You can buy each at different stages of ready made, blanks, finishes or start from the very beginning with a Christmas Tree Decoration kit pack.
There are kits and packs for every area of Christmas, while sprucing up the living room and decking the halls with boughs of holly. There’s also the kitchen too. This where you, Dad, really get to put your feet up. If you’re enjoying the idea of child labour, then taking the vote away from women and getting her back in the kitchen will be a dream come true! Here is how to do it, press all the right buttons and introduce Mum to Christmas Baking. Use the enticement of “the children will make the making go tens times faster!” Then retreat to the pub, local football match, bit on the side or the shed.
There is even more fun to be had in the kitchen, as you can eat what the family creates in the end. No more Morrison’s, Asda or Tesco for you me lad. No more £850 totals at the tills. Not only can you take advantage of cheaper Christmas decorations but cheaper Christmas decorations for cooking too. Forget £25 Christmas cakes, make it at home for £3.60. Don’t pay out £100 on branded biscuits and chocolates treats, get stuck into the ingredient for £20 and make twice as many. Cake mixes £3, fudge packs £3 and lots lots more.
You have spent thousands of hours keeping your family together while holding down a job. You’ve created life from love and Christmas is the time to enjoy the results. You have fed and catered for your young children for the last several years, it is now time they started to repay you. Child labour is only wrong when they get paid for it, if they’re family members, they are helping to create their own Christmas too. Don’t forget however, if they make more than they need, that’s the pension top up covered!
There are plenty more Christmas arts and crafts ideas to be found online. Cheaper Christmas decorations, cards, presents and ornaments is not simply a wish to steal from your children when you place your child’s teeth under your pillow. You really can get Christmas on the cheap, keep Mum in the kitchen and have your own little work force making a personal Christmas for everybody.
This article does come with a… WARNING: If you fail to utilise Christmas to attain keepsakes from your Children between the ages of three and seven, you will regret it for the rest of your life. This is your Fairy Godmother speaking!! Help create loving memories for your children, who will really appreciate being able to pass their experiences on to their very own children, enslaving your Grand Children too. Imagine, having a secondary line of labour in the making.
*Child labour is not to be laughed at, it is a serious issue and we as responsible adults should ensure we don’t buy anything that supports companies that use it. That said, if your child can learn through arts and crafts, and you end up with some fantastically imaginative and cheaper Christmas decorations, then a little personal child slavery in the home can’t be a bad thing… muahahaha. Hey, this is the basis of a Christmas story, Good will win over Evil every time. Unless of course you’re watching that George Clooney film where they go out in a boat to a stormy sea and all die! Talking of dyes, click here.