Your Crucial MX300 SSD Guide To Halloween
It is the countdown to All Hallows Eve and a night where ghouls, ghosts and demons walk the Earth again for one night only. Their main aim, to break into stores and homes worldwide and steal crucial memory cards and solid state drives to last them the year or until the 220TB total bytes writing endurance is exceeded. With the most sought after articles being the Crucial MX300 SSD series because it’s Accelerated by Micron 3D NAND technology.
Leading the merry dance is Frankenstein’s monster and his family but he has one problem, he parties so hard that he can never remember what he did the night before. It is thought this same reason is why witches and the undead only roam for one night, as they actually forget why they’re mumbling and creeping up on people. Imagine a human’s surprise when a ghoul shouts Trick or Tweet. “Oh no! Not more Twitter!” The human cries, before thinking, “yes, more social!”
For years IT (Frankenstein’s monster) considered the punch to be the reason for failing memory, a meandering walk and speech impairment but recently IT believes his adopted Father, Victor, might be at fault. Back then you couldn’t compare Crucial MX300 SSD as they didn’t exist. Not even ancient hard drives could be bought. The mad old scientist was light years ahead of his time though. Humans being thee super computer, still today no computer matches the compression or speed of that of a human, its brain and DNA storage attributes.
While only now in the 21st Century are humans dabbling with full head replacement surgery and full face transplants, this kind of surgery and the fitting was unheard of when the tales of Victor Frankenstein were recounted in 1818 by Mary Shelley. Vampires were aghast, Werewolves howled and undead Roman mathematicians rose up to have a gander. Bringing life back to dead human cells, misappropriated limbs and body parts from several different past their sell by date bodies was a life altering proposition.
It was a time before the human body and its mechanisms were fully understood and while basic computer technology were being built and pieced together in the 1800’s, it wasn’t until Charles Babbage invented the Analytical Engine punch card machine in 1837 that memory really began in earnest in non life forms. Random Access Memory was also still a full 110 years away and the first British computer remained an idea on paper.
Back to the Walking Dead! For centuries, the abnormals and creatures of the night could only operate at their fullest once a year. As any ghost hunter knows, all take their power from local energy sources or those embedded. Enabling memory and brain storage to recoup lost files and memories. With the latest upgrade of these interconnected flash memory chips, the downright evil are using the yearly resurrection to upgrade their memory and power resources.
We are only able to divulge this Earth shattering news to you because Dr. Helen Magnus from the Sanctuary has authorised a release of data to see how governments will cope with the information. Governments which also use the Crucial MX300 solid state drives because of the AES 256-bit hardware-based encryption, RAIN technology and Exclusive Data Defense technology. For the first time in human history, the living has far superior technology that the undead and hidden societies wish to use for their own purposes.
It is such a critical situation that vampires are staying up past sunrise, an event rued by Blade. Buffy is working overtime and the Abnormals are wrestling control of city undergrounds on a global scale. The company behind the tech, Crucial UK is trying to open dialogue to the underworld with Selene (alter ego of Kate Beckinsale) as their negotiator. Talks are not going very well, hence this late news release.
If shipments to the undead cannot be sorted by 30th November 2016, all hell will break loose. Thankfully Crucial UK are offering not only FREE SHIPPING to the Underworld, planetary surface and all universal portals such as Stargates. There is also a 45 day money back guarantee for humans. Added to which, if you can prove you are dead, an alien or an abnormal and are claiming in person at the next All Hallows Eve with receipt, you can still get your money back*.
Without further ado, as per the wishes of the last NATO (Non Abnormal Territorial Organisation) meeting Colonel O’Neill, Dr. Helen Magnus, Rupert Giles and the Queen of England please be advised of the following. If you have a computer or any type of electronic device that makes use of flash memory storage and is compatible as per Crucial’s compatibility tools Advisor and System Scanner. Please purchase the recommended 525GB MX300 SSD upgrade immediately.
Crucial MX300 SSD FAQ
How To Install Crucial MX300 SSD Into Your Frankenstein's Monster
Humans are the ultimate robot. Currently humans are on an endeavour to recreate themselves and the result will be robots trying to recreate themselves in the form of humans. So much for advanced society. Your Frankenstein monster has the make up of several human’s DNA and possibly a few pig parts. So a few electronics won’t get in the way.
You need a surgeon to connect any flash memory solid state drive to the rear of ITs head, to the brain and brain stem. First connect to the brain stem, this will help in controlling temperature and heart rate, you will then need to bypass Parietal lobe, Occipital and Temporal and make an incision into the Frontal lobe – the area which will benefit the most from a boost in memory speed and reactionary movement.
Can You Upgrade A Zombie's Movement And Memory With An MX300 SSD?
Yes, simply push the 1TB MX300 SSD into the skin (not the brain, doh!) and any zombie will immediately become more active, as if it was in love and a strange pattern of taking naps on aeroplanes will persist. If you Fear the Walking Dead and are not a part of Celia Flores’ clan, it might be best to keep the 1TB MX300 SSD for human use only.
Can An MX300 Work In A Borg Unit?
What a silly question! That’s like asking if I enjoy Apple pie and Birds’ custard. Anything electronic you have will be assimilated. Please keep all of these brand new technology advanced, 90 times more efficient flash memory drives away from any Borg. Unless they are under your control and can provide Crucial UK with a 800% sales profit for the last quarter of 2016.
We Have Crucial MX300 SSD using Dynamic Write Acceleration technology to offer high speed to our Stargate and enabling quick dialling to other planets with quick memory recall, will the Replicators become a fearful enemy if they land on our planet?
In short yes, but what to do? You must use the latest and best tech and the MX300 525GB SSD flash memory storage is the ultimate in capabilities and system performance.
Do You Have Instruction For Humans Upgrading MX300 SSD Series?
Yes, Plug it in.
*Erm, not really! Guarantee not extended to the living dead – you know, just in case a virus leaks and I survive and Crucial UK decides I should replace all 6 billion undead’s 2TB MX300 solid state drives – not that any will have a fault.